Self Esteem |

Self Esteem

Kevin had always been shy. He wasn?t popular in high school, and has never thought of himself as good looking. Being a student, he doesn?t have a lot of money to spare. Kevin had trouble meeting girls and?

always thought that due to his looks and income, attractive women were out of his league. All that changed when he approached Kama Lifestyles for help with his self esteem problems. Kevin?s dating coach explained that confidence and a positive attitude are essential to meeting and attracting women.

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Kevin?s lack of confidence affected his friendships and studies. He found it difficult to speak up in class or participate in presentations. His Kama Lifestyles coach helped him to develop a step-by-step solution to his problem.

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• Identify situations that aggravate the problem. Kevin?s worse fear included approaching strangers, rejection and public speaking.

• Think about the thoughts and beliefs that make you nervous. His coach told him to identify his thoughts about each situation, including the things he tells himself about his chances of success, appearance or perceived faults.

• Separate negative and irrational thoughts and feelings from positive, rational ones. His coach explained how some thought patterns have a negative effect on self esteem. For example:

• If I can?t do this, I can?t do anything.

• Focusing on negatives, distorting the situation. This includes thinking everyone?s going to think he?s stupid if he makes a mistake.

• Turning positive things into negatives. Kevin thought he only did well in subjects that were easy and never gave himself credit for success.

• Confusing feelings and beliefs with hard facts. He believed feeling like a failure made him a failure.

• Putting yourself down. Kevin overreacted to making mistakes, thinking it?s typical of him and that he deserves no better.

1. Eliminate negative thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Kevin learned how to replace the negative thoughts with rational, positive thoughts.

• Encourage and praise yourself. The same self sabotaging thought patterns that led to his negative attitude could be changed to something self-affirming and positive.

• Learn to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Kevin learned to turn mistakes into opportunities for growth.

• Avoid ?should? statements. Kevin was placing unrealistic demands on himself.

• Focus on the positive. He learned to think about the good things in his life, like successes and achievements. Taking time each day to focus on the good things in life means that he better understand his own strengths and personal value.

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Using these four steps, Kevin began to see a change in his life. People reacted to him differently, both socially and in the classroom. He made friends more easily and found that his academic performance improved. Changing one?s attitudes and behaviour may take some time, but it is well worth the effort. Because he is more confident, people seek him out and he no longer fears encounters with strangers. He has become an engaging and entertaining public speaker with the ability to communicate properly with groups of people.

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Although Kevin is inexperienced with relationships, he finds himself in a position where he can approach any woman he is interested in. He went on a couple of dates with girls until he met Emma at university. They share a few classes and have a lot in common. She?s beautiful and not someone he would?ve felt able to talk to before his training. However, his improved self esteem meant that he approached her with confidence and successfully created attraction, sexual tension and intimacy. They have been dating for a few months and Kevin has never been happier.

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Kevin Black, 20, Student, Co. Galway

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If you would like to learn more about the art of attraction and how meet your ideal partner, check out our website on www.kamalifestyles.com. You can visit our testimonials page and listen to our audio interviews on the media page. We are here to help you so let the change begin today!

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