New [Media] Love: Long-distance Relationships in the Digital Age ...

This post was produced as part of the UW Comm Department?s undergraduate Entrepreneurial?Journalism course.

By Steven Dolan

It?s 2a.m. and I?m laughing at the computer screen. ?I have to go to bed,? I say. ?I love you.?

To the untrained eye, it would appear I?m seriously involved with my laptop, but truthfully, I?m seriously involved through my laptop.

The writer (lower right boxt) and his ?other? Skype, as they do almost every day. (Screenshot by Steven Dolan)

With the aid of digital technology, more college students and recent graduates are maintaining romantic relationships, even with the pressures of the future looming. We are told as college students that we?ve reached a pinnacle of decision and opportunity, so when decisions are necessary to advance in careers and relationships,?the lines are blurred by digital access.

I?ve always been a skeptic when it comes to romantic relationships, even more so over distance, so when I found myself in the midst of my own long-distance relationship, I questioned its validity and worth.

I realized I was surrounded by people in similar situations. Friends and classmates were among those who shared their stories with me.

Ben and Bridget: The appreciation (and sometimes need) of snail mail

Ben O?Brien and Bridget Bradshaw stopped in Texas on a road trip home from Virginia, where Bridget was working. (Photo by Gillian Spencer, courtesy of Ben O?Brien)

Two friends of mine have been dating for over two years and distance has always factored into their relationship. Bridget Bradshaw is ever the wanderer, traveling, studying and working in faraway places.

Bradshaw and Ben O?Brien dated for a few weeks before she traveled to a remote part of Argentina for six months to do scientific fieldwork with penguins, while O?Brien began studying at the Art Institute in Seattle, majoring in Audio Production and Engineering. This was in September 2009 and the couple is still together, despite the fact that Bradshaw, a University of Washington student, is often away.

?I would even say that [our relationship] is built around [her traveling], sort of,? O?Brien said. ?The whole beginning of this relationship happened on paper.?

At the time, they stayed in touch writing letters, as Bradshaw didn?t have internet access.

Later, while Bradshaw spent time in Guam, Virginia and Friday Harbor, Washington, Skype, e-mail and telephone were some of the media the two used to keep in touch. Even with more digital access, the couple still used snail mail to communicate.

?Real mail is a lot more romantic, I guess,? O?Brien said. ?I guess it was a romantic aide in that sense.?

Bradshaw told me over e-mail that communicating every so often digitally or otherwise was enough for her.

?The happiness in being in a relationship (for me) comes from the feeling of having someone you trust be behind you all the way, even if it?s from across the ocean.?

On the benefits of digital communication, O?Brien noted the simulated physical presence with Skype and an endless amount of space that paper is limited by. He also acknowledged that writing provides a more freeing interaction, especially due to the lack of immediacy.

The couple moved in together in January of 2012. Bradshaw attended classes at UW, while O?Brien worked. They moved out a year later, as Bradshaw left for Australia to study at University of Queensland in Brisbane for a year. O?Brien admits the relationship is in transition and the outcome is to be determined.

?I don?t really think either of us knows exactly what our relationship is right now,? he said. ?It?s a hard thing to talk about. And I think it was a hard thing to talk about for the last half of living together.?

Jessica and James: Relearning the relationship after deployment

James and Jessica Hall after James returned from being deployed in Afghanistan. (Photo courtesy of Jessica Hall)

For Jessica and James Hall, distance was inherent from the beginning. They met as undergraduates, a sophomore at NYU and a freshman West Point, respectively, while James was visiting New York. The couple dated almost four years before marrying in June 2011, a month after James graduated.

After James returned from serving the Army in Afghanistan, from March to November 2012, the challenge of proximity was presented.

Cohabitation after deployment was transitional for the couple, as they wanted to spend time together, and needed their own space. It wasn?t the first time they had lived together, but James needed to readjust from his time abroad.

?He was de-processing everything and trying to relax,? Jessica said.

Such accessibility to each other also required growth within the relationship. Their interaction had been over the phone, Facebook chat and Skype (when the military connection allowed) while
James was deployed and before the two married.

?So there?s that transition where it?s like, how do you spend a whole day together again, because we would only talk for a half an hour or whatever?,? she said.

The couple has settled in Puyallup, as James reports to Joint Base Lewis-McChord. Jessica is in the Master of Communication in Digital Media program at UW Seattle.

Steven and Drew: I don?t even know

My own relationship is up in the air. Both myself and my ?other,? Drew Hereford, are seniors at the UW in Seattle and Reed College in Portland, respectively. We Skype and/or text every day. Drew?s digital media use is minimal outside of our daily interaction.

?I feel like [our society is] moving in a direction that we need these established narratives that are digitally created in order to portray any kind of emotion at all,? he said.

Drew acknowledges that our relationship suits him, acknowledging his ?anti-social? tendencies.

?Even though I?d so much rather live in the same city, in a very specific way, having that distance, allows me to have a challenging intimate connection, but still be like a prickly bastard,? he said. ?Or you know, just have my own space and time that I need to function.?

A job with Teach for America will take Drew to Chicago in June and I?ve made no post-graduate plans. I eventually want to find a job in fashion journalism in New York. We?ve briefly discussed the future, but no decisions have been made. I cannot help but feel we are on a deadline?yes, they even plague me in my personal life.

At the very least, I?m thankful that digital technology has provided me the access to someone I only get to see one to a couple times a month. And while it may blur my decision making process, I?m content with that for now.

Tags: LDR, long distance, love, relationships, Social Media, Technology

This post is categorized in: Social Media

Source: http://flipthemedia.com/2013/04/new-media-love-long-distance-relationships-in-the-digital-age/

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